


goodbye is forever

by gloomingpeace



Category: Bare: A Pop Opera
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-23 06:51:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18148535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gloomingpeace/pseuds/gloomingpeace
Summary: sad post-canon peter getting ready for jason’s funeral





	goodbye is forever

He couldn’t do this. That was the only thought in Peter’s head as he stared at his reflection in his bedroom mirror. He didn’t look well. Thinner than usual, hair messy, under-eye bags darker than he’d ever seen them. His eyes were puffy, his face pale. His stomach twisted uncomfortably at the sight of his stiff, dark suit. It was starting to feel real as he was reminded more and more of where he was going. He hadn’t eaten in days, but he was sure he’d be sick if he tried. 

Peter couldn’t do this. He didn’t want to go. He didn’t want to see Jason’s parents forcing tears, or the cold, dead body of the lively boy he’d known. But it was wrong to stay home. Even if it was just for Nadia and Ivy, he had to be there. Part of Peter was angry- so blinded by all the pain Jason had caused that he couldn’t recognize the pressure the boy was under. But he couldn’t stay mad, not when it was Jason being buried today. 

He swallowed the lump in his throat, trying in vain to hold back the flood of memories. God, the memories. Their first kiss, timid and shy. Peter had been talking, rambling about homework or something that he didn’t quite remember when Jason had pulled him in by the tie suddenly, their lips crashing together. And it was absolute bliss for those few seconds, even with all of hurried apologies that followed on the other boy’s end. He’d never forget it, he was sure. They hadn’t discussed it then, just returned to what they’d been doing as soon as Peter assured him that it was alright. 

The next kiss they’d shared had been much later, after spring break. Peter smiled slightly, a first since what had happened. He remembered the countless movies they’d begun, Jason falling asleep halfway through. The stolen kisses behind closed doors, the times they laughed so hard they couldn’t breathe. Lazy Saturdays where neither boy had plans so they spent the day curled up in bed. Peter remembered dancing in their bedroom after he’d complained to Jason that they wouldn’t get to at prom.

And then he remembered the worst of all. Romeo and Juliet. The moment Jason had fallen. All Peter heard was a ringing in his ears, the sound of Ivy’s screams muting after only a moment. He held the boy’s face, praying he’d be alright, desperate to pull him close and pretend they were fine. And then those bright eyes fell shut, and his heart stopped beating, breathing stilled. 

Peter was numb, and he was sure he’d never love again. Not after Jason, not after knowing how fucking real it could be. Jason hadn’t been perfect, hell, he was one of the most flawed people Peter had ever met. But he’d never doubted for a moment that Jason McConnell was his soulmate, the person he was supposed to spend his life with. He did now. It couldn’t have been meant to be, not with so many things pulling them apart. It wasn’t fair that, by the end of the day, Jason would be buried underground and Peter would stay here, forced to go on. He knew he’d do it all again in a heartbeat if given the choice, go back and hold Jason just a little longer, tell him how much he mattered, how much Peter loved him. 

What hurt the most was that he could have stopped this, couldn’t he? Never pressured Jason to come out when he wasn’t ready. Consoled him instead of left him when he needed someone. And here he was, on his way to the funeral. He would give anything to see those eyes one more time, to hear Jason laugh, to kiss him, hold him for another minute. But he couldn’t, and he never would again. He couldn’t do this. 

And then the tears were falling again, sliding down his face. His body shook, hand flying to his mouth to muffle the sobs. His mother already had to deal with him waking up screaming in the middle of the night, dreams haunting the rare moments where he could drift to sleep, she didn’t need breakdowns early in the morning, too.

They didn’t have to leave for hours still, but Peter needed to get ready as soon as he woke up. Staying busy helped, even if only slightly. He didn’t want to do this, to go on without Jason. They’d never speak again, no more banter and flirting, no more long embraces, no more Jason. Peter wasn’t sure he wanted to live in a world like that. God, Jason had been his world for so many years. It was over. Jason was gone. 

Their show had had its finale, and the audience was leaving the theater. But Peter stayed, sat in his seat, captivated. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t say goodbye, but it had already been said. He was gone.


End file.
